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What’s Going On? Or Not Going On…

on April 19, 2012

Hello all.  I haven’t written since my Get Lucky Half.  There are many reasons why I haven’t written.  I have thought about stopping writing altogether, but the last time I thought about stopping I had so many emails and messages to keep writing.  So I guess there are some of you who enjoy reading!

When I started my blog, my intent was to document my marathon training for myself so that if I ever do another one, I could look back and see areas in which I needed improvement AND to just document the journey.  At the beginning of deciding to blog, I also felt like it was very important to include the down sides, the struggles etc.  Why only write about the good days?  The good runs?  No training is perfect, let’s be honest and realistic. 

This blog is about that very topic.  I am in a serious rut.  I have about ZERO motivation to run.  I have about ZERO motivation/interest to read about running.  I have about ZERO motivation/interest to talk about running.  Pardon this expression, but….WTF???? This isn’t like me.  So why am I writing this blog entry?  Because ruts happen….motivation wanes….and it’s an important aspect to training and life.

What is my problem?  I don’t really know.  I haven’t stopped running.  I’m still putting in some miles.  So I am plugging away at it.  But my heart is not in it whatsoever.  To be quite honest, I could care less about whether or not I get out for a run. 

One theory: I’m burned out.  Let’s face it, last year I jammed a lot of training and races into one year.  It’s not only the physical aspect that training stresses, it’s the mental and emotional aspects as well.  When training for the Minneapolis Marathon last year, all I really thought about was running, training, fuel, ice baths, everything I put in my mouth, every ache and pain, you name it.  That is a lot for a person to have on the brain.  Maybe overload? 

Another theory:  I have a lot going on in my life right now.  But who doesn’t?!  I have a full time teaching job, I coach softball after school, plus other things in my life that take my time…like FAMILY!   What bothers me about this is that my life was the SAME last year when I was training for my first marathon.  I had no trouble getting up at 4am to get my running done before school because I would have either a softball game or practice after school.  This year, I have the same school/job and softball schedule and I am having EXTREME difficulty getting out of bed in the morning.  That bothers me!  What is different?

I was thinking about these two things the other day as I was driving to work and I had a big thought about it.  I think that a lack of motivation hits everybody at some point.  Nothing is always perfect and I think those who say it’s always perfect are not being realistic.  It’s very easy to be hitting the gym hard, getting out for runs and/or cross training when a person feels excited about something.  Training is so easy when a person is gung-ho!  Training is hard when you have lost the “mo-jo” and desire.   This is the time when I REALLY have to dig deep down.  I really didn’t have to dig very deep last year at all because I was so excited.  It was my first one and when something is new and exciting, it’s easy to get right into.   But right now, when I’m not even close to being in the same place mentally, it’s very difficult to train and it’s very difficult to dig deep.

Whichever theory it could be, or maybe it’s more than just those, I don’t know, whatever the case may be, I’m struggling right now.  I am hoping that by continuing to put in my miles, continuing to cross train etc, that my “mojo” will return. 

I am sort of sick of the motivational posters that say “No Excuses”  or something to that effect and I usually like reading those types of posters on websites and Pinterest.  But not right now…sick of them.   If I had to make a poster right now, this is what I would say…these last few sentences would be my poster.   I’m not embarrassed to admit that I’m having difficulty with my motivation.  This is my reality right now.  I’m not going to pretend to feel something I don’t, and I’m not going to pretend to be someone I’m not.   I hope in time, my motivation will return and I will feel excited to run again.  Until then, I plan to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  And to me…this is what digging deep and pushing hard really mean….to keep going when it’s not going well. 


4 responses to “What’s Going On? Or Not Going On…

  1. LP says:

    Life is a series of passages. Perhaps it is time to listen to your heart and just be. New challenges and pleasures await you. Just keep your eyes and heart open! And, know that you are loved sans condition.


  2. ryersons says:

    Hmm…I’m certainly no expert on this stuff, especially since I’ve never run a marathon. I’m familiar with the lack of motivation, though! After I read this, I started thinking that maybe we have only so much “drive” for things, and I think there’s a lot to be said for the drive to reach new goals. I trained really hard for the Tough Mudder last summer but afterwards really slacked off. I used to get really focused on karate tournaments and still enjoy them but after a while the “ramp-up” doesn’t feel the same. I don’t want to compare these things to a marathon, which is so much more difficult. But, hey, I just found a RELATIVELY cheap paddleboard at Costco and its sitting in my garage, waiting for the lake to warm up. There were a couple out last summer and I got to try a neighbor’s – I was hooked! It’s not hard in the least. But right now that, combined with another tournament in 10 days is keeping me going. Maybe your softball girl can be your inspiration now – if they can give you 100% in practices and games, you can give the same to your goal? Good luck, thanks for writing! And keep going 🙂

  3. I’m not ashamed to admit I feel the same way…except I am training for a marathon and I SHOULD be out there running. But life has gotten in the way, and I only have 3 miles in this whole week.

    But, life goes on, and sometimes stressing about running is just not worth it in the grand scheme of things. When it’s time, it will feel good again. 🙂

  4. Heather says:

    I completely understand where you’re coming from, because I’m feeling the same way lately. I’m 3.5 weeks out from my first half marathon and I’m only running 4-7 miles per WEEK! Not exactly the way to get prepared. But, like you, I can’t seem to find my motivation. Hopefully if we keep chugging along, we’ll find it again soon.

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