I have written that I’m in a bit of a running rut.  I have been lacking motivation to get out and run, but I have been putting in the miles.  They haven’t been pretty, but they are in.  I wish there was some sort of support group for this kind of thing….like “Runners in a Rut” group.  “Hi, I’m Jessie.  I’m in a running rut” is what I would have said.   

Well…lately, it’s been a little better.  I have three reasons why.

#1…Softball.  For those of you who don’t know me, I coach our school’s Junior Varsity or B Squad softball team and am assistant varsity coach.  At practices, I get right out with the girls and play positions, hit, run bases when I’m needed.  In the last couple of weeks, I have been playing outfield, which is new to me.  When I played, I was a pitcher and an infielder when I wasn’t pitching.  There can be A LOT of running in the outfield.  There are three girls in particular on the varsity team that always hit to the outfield and always seem to find the “holes”…which is great during a game.  However, during practice that means I am running….SPRINTING.  I think these bursts of sprints have helped my overall running.  It’s really just like intervals or fartleks, only I haven’t been thinking of it like that until just the other day.  And I realized at practice, I’m a faster sprinter than I have been giving myself credit for.  It was really fun last week when I sprinted for a ball, made an amazing catch, then hollered out “Did you guys SEE THAT?!” and they cheered.  This 39 year old sure liked that.

#2…Unexpected compliment.  I saw a friend from a different town the other day.  We don’t see each other very often at all but we are friends on Facebook.  She complimented me on my blog and says she loves it.  I had no idea that she reads my blog.  I was so touched that she said that.  And what’s even better, she is going to try for her first half marathon next year.  Way to go NK and thank you.  You have no idea how much I appreciated you saying that.

#3…..Cousins.  I have lots of amazing and wonderful cousins that I love and that inspire me.  I text and email with them often. 

Kean had a stroke when he was in his 30s.  He’s made an amazing recover, became a personal trainer, and has completed many running races including a full marathon for stroke and heart charities.  He is a devoted father and husband as well as son and brother.  He helped me through training for my first marathon.  I mentioned to him in an email recently about how I feel behind and lacking motivation for my next marathon and he had such encouraging words for me.  It was so needed and gave me another push.

Maureen, Kean’s sister, is another cousin who emails me quite a bit and gives me encouragement.  She herself is a runner, mother, wife, daughter, and sister. It never fails that she reads my blogs and ALWAYS sends me a wonderful comment or several to help encourage me.  She is so positive and I can’t help but feel good and ready to go after reading her emails.  

My cousin Mike, (Kean and Maureen’s cousin too) is training for an Ironman Triathlon.  An  Ironman is a 2.4 mile swim, a 112 mile bike ride, and then finish with a FULL MARATHON….26.2 MILES.  And Mike is going to do this on June 24^th…one month from today!!!!    I am amazed at his dedication and all that goes into his training while being a lawyer, husband, and father, brother and son as well.  Last summer when he, his wife and daughter visited us, he was talking about maybe doing one and he made up his mind to just do it.  I’m so proud of him.  This makes my rut seem so small in comparison and I feel sort of like…”What am I complaining about?!”

Thank you to NK for your kind words, to Kean, Maureen, and Mike for your inspiration, texts, and supportive messages.  .  These are just three of the wonderful people in my life who support me, but these three have just happen to pop up in my world this week. 

And I will again, keep plugging away, one foot in front of the other.

I was definitely tired today.  After the Big Band Bash weekend and all that entailed, I was dragging today.

Mondays are a cross training day for me.  So today, I did my Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred Level 2 DVD in my basement, followed by a different kind of cardio circuit, and ended with a 2 mile walk.  I had to stop three times…not because of the tiredness…but because of the visitor I always get when I do the DVD.  Max.

It never fails, when I start the DVD, Max comes downstairs and watches me.  He first stands back a little bit, but then he can’t take it anymore and he jumps up on the couch to watch a little closer.  It also never fails that he has to sit nearly on top of my hand weights.  It’s almost as though he is wanting me to stop working out and play with him!

I continue on with the workout and quickly I’m ready for the weights part again.  I reach over to grab the weights and laugh.  I guess Max was tired from the weekend too!

I laughed, paused the DVD for a minute and switched my weights for this………

It was a win/win!  Max was happy with the bone, I got my weights back and finished my workout!   I think we will both sleep well tonight!

The words “Just One More” mean two different things to me.  First, it means I push myself one more mile when I’m running.  I maybe don’t want to keep going, but I need to keep going for whatever reason and I keep telling myself…”just one more”.  Often times, going “just one more” results in feeling better and going more that “just one more” mile.  

Secondly, it means that I or someone that we are out with say we are going to have :just one more” beer/drink.  This usually results in more that just one more and we laugh about it every time!

This weekend I experienced both of these.  First was the just one more drink.  We were out after our jazz concert on Saturday night.  We had lots of “just one more” comments and drinks.  It was a blast!  ”Just one more drink” resulted in my father in law putting on a sombrero!  The second “just one more” was on Sunday’s run.  I drove out to the trail and started out one way for a run.  It was going great.  The nature was so pretty.  I did a little bit of everything on this run; slow run, medium speed run, walk, sprints.  Once I got about two miles one way, I turned around and went back the other way, which was more uphill.  Nearly every everywhere I looked I saw these signs….YUCK!

I got to the top of one of the steep hills and looked around.  The landscape of the trees and the farmland was just beautiful.

I wanted to find my favorite spot that I found last year.  I knew it was around somewhere and I knew I would have to run “just one more” mile in order to find it.  (As it turned out, I ran about two more miles before I found it).  So I continued on, which was pretty much all uphill.  I actually passed my spot and had to turn around and head back to see it.   There is sort of a rock wall and it so beautiful because there is a contrast between the rocks and the trees. I didn’t recognize it at first because the trees are much fuller with leaves than the last time I was out there and the rock wall is covered up.   But this is the type of rock that is really visible and beautiful when the trees don’t have leaves.

It was a weekend of greats; great family time, great music, great friends, great run…and “just one more” which never turns out to be just one.

So my last run was fantastic.  But as I said in my last blog, I am a realist and I do know that I will get into ruts again and that not every run will be as fantastic as others.   What I decided to do is come up with a plan for myself for the next time that I hit a rut and/or feel like I’m not making progress.   I’m going to try only TWO things first.

#1—I am going to write more.  I love writing as much as running and I don’t do it nearly enough FOR ME.  Before blogs were even “invented”, I was keeping journals and writing nearly every single day.  Why would I stop now?!

#2—Focus on the good things that have happened in the past…running-wise…that can maybe help me get my mind out of the negative gutter. 

Here it goes…I’m already doing #1.  So here is #2.

Max…he’s such a hoot!  I was lacing up my shoes to go out for a run.  I guess he didn’t want me to go! 

 

As much as I felt like I was in a rut, I did complete a half marathon with my best friend Trish.  What a fun weekend and still is an accomplishment!

Having my son come and run the last .2 of my first marathon with me.  Awesome.

Running my first half marathon in honor of my dad’s battle with cancer.  He reached out and grabbed my hand near the finish.

Doing a 5K with my dad after he recovered from his chemo treatments.  AND..he won his age group!  

 

 So….I have A LOT of wonderful running memories.  When the going gets tough, then it’s time to take a look back and remember how lucky I am go be running…but even more importantly…how lucky I am to have these wonderful moments.

As many of you know, I have been struggling with motivation lately, I’ve been in a rut.  In my last blog entry, I tried to figure out what has been wrong.  I decided after I wrote that blog to stop trying to figure it out and just move on.   Getting my feelings out about my rut helped me to move on.  And thank you to those of you who sent me messages of support and understanding.  It does help to know that I’m not alone! 

I finally, (after several weeks of dreading runs and going out anyway), was excited to get out and run today!  My plan had been to get outside on part of the trail around here.  Many people enjoy the trails around here, that’s nothing new.  Whether it’s running, walking, biking…whatever way in which it is used, many people love to get out on our trail.  I’m not expressing anything new there!

I have used the trails for a few years….ever since we moved to this area.  I love the peace, I love the scenery, I love the fresh smells of nature.  Maybe this is why I was excited today.  It sometimes feels like a small get away…sort of an escape from reality.  Wait…that’s what running has always brought to me not matter where I run…except for the past 5 weeks.  

I decided to not bring my mp3 player today and just listen to the quiet.  It was amazing.  I didn’t look at how fast I was going.  It was amazing.  I didn’t look at the time.  It was amazing.  I looked at the nature, the trees, the birds.  It was amazing.

I felt like I could have gone on and on and on.  It felt so good to have the escape.  It felt so good to have the run feel good again.  It felt so good to not think about any mechanics of my form or stride.  It felt good to just plain run.

Am I never going to have struggles, bad runs, or ruts again?  Heck no!  I’m not perfect and I am a realist. Struggles, bad runs, ruts will happen again.  However, I needed this run to clear my head of all the over-thinking of why I was in a rut for 5 weeks.  And it truly did clear my head.  It was without a doubt a mental health run.  I FINALLY feel much more centered, relaxed, and am ready to tackle future runs with a better attitude.  

Hello all.  I haven’t written since my Get Lucky Half.  There are many reasons why I haven’t written.  I have thought about stopping writing altogether, but the last time I thought about stopping I had so many emails and messages to keep writing.  So I guess there are some of you who enjoy reading!

When I started my blog, my intent was to document my marathon training for myself so that if I ever do another one, I could look back and see areas in which I needed improvement AND to just document the journey.  At the beginning of deciding to blog, I also felt like it was very important to include the down sides, the struggles etc.  Why only write about the good days?  The good runs?  No training is perfect, let’s be honest and realistic. 

This blog is about that very topic.  I am in a serious rut.  I have about ZERO motivation to run.  I have about ZERO motivation/interest to read about running.  I have about ZERO motivation/interest to talk about running.  Pardon this expression, but….WTF???? This isn’t like me.  So why am I writing this blog entry?  Because ruts happen….motivation wanes….and it’s an important aspect to training and life.

What is my problem?  I don’t really know.  I haven’t stopped running.  I’m still putting in some miles.  So I am plugging away at it.  But my heart is not in it whatsoever.  To be quite honest, I could care less about whether or not I get out for a run. 

One theory: I’m burned out.  Let’s face it, last year I jammed a lot of training and races into one year.  It’s not only the physical aspect that training stresses, it’s the mental and emotional aspects as well.  When training for the Minneapolis Marathon last year, all I really thought about was running, training, fuel, ice baths, everything I put in my mouth, every ache and pain, you name it.  That is a lot for a person to have on the brain.  Maybe overload? 

Another theory:  I have a lot going on in my life right now.  But who doesn’t?!  I have a full time teaching job, I coach softball after school, plus other things in my life that take my time…like FAMILY!   What bothers me about this is that my life was the SAME last year when I was training for my first marathon.  I had no trouble getting up at 4am to get my running done before school because I would have either a softball game or practice after school.  This year, I have the same school/job and softball schedule and I am having EXTREME difficulty getting out of bed in the morning.  That bothers me!  What is different?

I was thinking about these two things the other day as I was driving to work and I had a big thought about it.  I think that a lack of motivation hits everybody at some point.  Nothing is always perfect and I think those who say it’s always perfect are not being realistic.  It’s very easy to be hitting the gym hard, getting out for runs and/or cross training when a person feels excited about something.  Training is so easy when a person is gung-ho!  Training is hard when you have lost the “mo-jo” and desire.   This is the time when I REALLY have to dig deep down.  I really didn’t have to dig very deep last year at all because I was so excited.  It was my first one and when something is new and exciting, it’s easy to get right into.   But right now, when I’m not even close to being in the same place mentally, it’s very difficult to train and it’s very difficult to dig deep.

Whichever theory it could be, or maybe it’s more than just those, I don’t know, whatever the case may be, I’m struggling right now.  I am hoping that by continuing to put in my miles, continuing to cross train etc, that my “mojo” will return. 

I am sort of sick of the motivational posters that say “No Excuses”  or something to that effect and I usually like reading those types of posters on websites and Pinterest.  But not right now…sick of them.   If I had to make a poster right now, this is what I would say…these last few sentences would be my poster.   I’m not embarrassed to admit that I’m having difficulty with my motivation.  This is my reality right now.  I’m not going to pretend to feel something I don’t, and I’m not going to pretend to be someone I’m not.   I hope in time, my motivation will return and I will feel excited to run again.  Until then, I plan to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  And to me…this is what digging deep and pushing hard really mean….to keep going when it’s not going well. 

If you haven’t read my previous blog entry, “Get Lucky Training and Excitement”, then you need to read that to understand the relationship between my best friend Trish and I.   Then come back and read this recap.

I’m not sure where to start.  I’m let down.  Why do I say that?  What do I mean?  I’m sad that it’s all over.

Trish and I agreed to run this half on Thanksgiving Day 2011.  That’s the day we dedicated our time, efforts, planned out our matching outfits, “D” all of the above.  This plan had been in motion for several months.

It was getting closer and closer and I couldn’t stand it I was so excited.  I ran the Get Lucky Half in 2011, so I knew how fun the race was and couldn’t wait to do it again.  This year, it was even better because Trish would be with me.

We both took the day off Friday the 16th.  She came to my house that morning and we headed up to Minneapolis.  As soon as we left my house, we started talking.  The talking didn’t stop pretty much the entire weekend.  We hadn’t seen each other in quite a while…a couple of years…and it was like we hadn’t missed a beat.  So many laughs….it was so good and so fun.

Our first stop in Minneapolis was at packet pick up.  We had some issues with her GPS which included some “colorful” language…and laughs.  We sailed through the packet pick up because everything was so well organized by Team Ortho.

We then checked into our hotel and got organized for the next day.  We headed out to have a couple of drinks and then get some supper.  We had such a nice visit with a friend that neither of us had seen in a long time…so nice to visit with her!

We got to bed early, but neither of us slept very well.  We got ready and headed out to the race by 6:15am.  We were excited, nervous, sleep deprived, coffee deprived, but ready to run.  Trish was concerned about her hamstring as she pulled it last week skiing in Colorado.

Once we got there, I wanted to find my cousins.  One of my cousins was the race director for the half, and his sister was volunteering.  We found them, had a nice visit, took pictures, and soon it was time to line up.  The National Anthem was sung, gun went off, and it was time.

We started off at a pace that was much faster than I was used to.  In fact, it was a pace that I had never run at before.  In addition to that, I could tell it was one of those runs that nothing felt right.  I immediately became nervous and tried to calm myself down by telling myself and hoping that things would shake out and my muscles would relax.  Well….no such luck for me.

Trish was doing great!  Her hamstring that had been injured and had been bothering her was doing great Saturday morning.  She was feeling super!  I was SO HAPPY for her, but I felt so bad because I knew that I would not be able to keep up the pace we were at for the entire race.  I wasn’t in any pain, I was just fatigued….specifically my quads.

We did slow our pace down and I tried to just settle down my mind, my breathing, shake out my tense muscles.  I think it was about mile 7 or 8, could have been 9 even, Trish asked me how I was doing and I replied that I was hurting.  She asked where and to that I answered everywhere!  And then I added, “Even my jaw hurts.”  Trish freaked out and this was the conversation that followed….WHILE RUNNING.  Keep in mind…Trish is a doctor.

Trish:  WHAT? Your jaw hurts?  Are you having a heart attack?

Me:  What?  A heart attack?  Why would you ask that?

Trish:  Referred jaw pain is a symptom of a heart attack.  Where does your jaw hurt? Which side?

Me: (I pointed to my lower jaw on both sides, but while doing this and before I could talk, she’s already asking the next questions)

Trish:  Do you have chest pain?

Me:  No.

Trish:  Do you have shortness of breath?

Me:  Well ya…I’m running a HALF MARATHON!  OF COURSE I HAVE SHORTNESS OF BREATH!

And then the laughs again….we laughed even harder later on when we recounted that story!

I can’t remember what mile it was when Trish’s hamstring finally started acting up as well as her knee.  We really took our pace slower and helped each other through.  For me, my quads were just plain jello.  Nothing was clicking…my legs, my breathing, my shoulders were tense, my neck was tense….nothing felt in sync.  And…it was hot and humid.  Who knew it would be over 70 on St. Patrick’s Day in Minnesota!!!!

We had TONS of compliments on our matching outfits, especially our green sparkle skirts!  The skirts were the first piece of the outfits that we purchased…way back in November.  As it turned out, it was so hot that we didn’t need most of the original outfit that we had planned.  Again….70 degrees in March in Minnesota?!

Finally, we could see the finish line.  What a feeling.  I was so exhausted…there aren’t even words.  I felt during this half marathon nearly the same as I did at the end of my full marathon.   I was so happy to earn that medal. The people we visited with along the route had some of the same issues that I did.  One gal we ran with for a while said she just could not get it together.  Nothing was clicking for her either; she just felt off and it was extremely difficult for her as well.  We were certainly not alone.  We received our medals, saw my cousins again, had some pictures and it was time to head home.

We both took naps when we got back to my house.  Then we headed downtown for some St.  Patrick’s Day celebrating complete with green beer.  Funny how a nap, hot shower, and green beer makes you feel better!

So…..what am I sad about?  You are probably thinking that I’m going to say how I ran, but I’m not.  I will get to that later.  I’m sad that my time with Trish is over.  I know we’ll have more times together, but this was so needed and so fun.  It makes me realize how much I miss her.  I miss and love that we can simply look at each other and know EXACTLY what the other is thinking AND what the response would be from the look.  I miss and love that we can still, after all these years and after not seeing each other for so long, finish each other’s sentences.  I miss and love how we both still know all of our inside jokes from so long ago AND that we can just plug them into new experiences.  I miss and love Trish.  And I’m sad that it seems that the time came and went so fast.  But I am very blessed to have had this weekend with her.

My running performance left a lot to be desired, but as I reflect on it, I’m glad it was so difficult for me this time.  It’s a good reminder that not all runs, short or long, are good runs.  Not everything goes GREAT all of the time.   I feel good that I was able to keep up a brand new pace for as long as I did.  But it also shows me that I have a great deal of work to do, if I so choose, to improve on some things.   I have to change a few things in my training and in my nutrition and diet.  My plan is to work on those things and then at a certain point, re-test myself at the 13.1 distance and measure my progress and see if my changes have brought any improvement to some of those areas.

A great weekend.  I’m so proud of Trish.  She hadn’t run in SIX YEARS before the Get Lucky.  She felt at times that her training didn’t go very well, she injured her hamstring, but she did a super job.  She was a great cheerleader (haha…sorry Trish!  Inside joke!) when I was struggling.  THANK YOU TRISH FOR PUSHING ME during the tough spots!  Thank you Trish for running the race with me!  Thank you Trish for coming and and being so much fun!  Thank you Trish for being my friend all these years and loving me.

The race is called “Get Lucky”.  The truth is, I got lucky the day that I became friends with Trish when we were little kids.  I’m so blessed.

 

I’ve had a lot of people ask me and email me this question, “Why aren’t you running both marathons?”  The simple answer……I just don’t want to.   Yes, there was a point where I did want to run the Minneapolis Marathon again in June and the Twin Cities Marathon in October.  But to be very honest, (and this is a big decision so I had to be brutally honest with my feelings) there was more a part of me that didn’t.  I can’t really explain why because I don’t know why.  It’s just the way I feel.

The second question was, “Why the Women Rock MN Marathon?”  That was easy…because I want to!  Ha ha!  No really, many reasons.  Number 1 was the time of year.  I really wanted a fall marathon so I could do the bulk of my training in the summer months.  This winter, we’ve had a BEAUTIFUL and mild winter here in Minnesota.  But that was not the case last year when I was training for the June marathon.  Number 2 reason is that this is a newer marathon and it is sponsored by Team Ortho in Minneapolis.  I LOVE TEAM ORTHO EVENTS!  Of the races I’ve done since 2010, only one race has NOT been a Team Ortho race.  I love their events and will support them whenever I can.  Number 3, and this is a huge one when planning for races…for ME anyway, is scheduling.   This marathon is on Sept. 1^st…over Labor Day weekend, and it fits our family’s schedule the best.  Even though I’m the one running in these events, this is not all about me.  I have a husband and son to think about.  My training schedule, the time away during training, the time traveling etc. affects them too.  Even though my husband and son are so supportive and encourage me all the time, I will not schedule races that we all don’t have the time for and can fit into our lives.

So, that’s how I came to my decision.

Now that I do not have a June marathon on the schedule, my training will change a little, and that’s okay.

And the final question that many people ask……what do you want your marathon time to be?  My answer is the same for this second one as it was for my first….I don’t care.  I read a lot of blogs, articles, Facebook posts, and DailyMile posts etc.  Many people have time goals, and that’s fine for them. I’m not one of those people.  And to be even more honest, I don’t care what other people have for their times.  If they are happy with their pace, with their finish time, then super.  But that doesn’t affect me, my training, my thoughts about my performance or race.

I care about being out there and doing it.

My time concern…..just finish before they close down the race.    Just finish upright.  And most of all, enjoy the journey it takes to get there.  If I do that, then I’ll have the time of my running life.

Well…..I’ve made the big decision….the MARATHON decision.  Those of you who read my blog at all, or at least semi-regularly, know that I’ve wanted to run another marathon since completing my first one in June 2011.  In fact, I started thinking about doing another one ON THE WAY HOME from my first one!

I wanted to run the Minneapolis Marathon again, (which is the one I did in June of 2011) and also thought about running the Twin Cities Marathon in October 2012.  I thought about doing both…I thought about doing only one of them.  Again, those of you who read my blog know what my husband and son think.  

I’ve gone back and forth.  Do I even want to train again?  Do I want to do one or both, or neither?

I made the decision on what I’m going to do.  And the answer is…..neither.

However, this afternoon, I did register for my 2nd full marathon!  It’s called Women Rock MN and the race takes place on Saturday, September 1st, 2012 in St. Paul, Minnesota!  I am so excited!   My husband is so excited for me.  When I told my son, he said,  ”That is so cool, Mom.”  

If you want to check it out and/or register (women only!) it’s this:  womenrockmn.org

And so it begins again….one foot in front of the other…and I can hardly wait!!!!!

 

I haven’t written a blog post in quite some time.  It’s not like I don’t have anything to say, I just haven’t taken the time to sit down and write.  And now, here I am.

So running and life.  I’ve been plugging along in both, and both have had their ups and downs.  But that’s just how it is, in running and in life.  We all have that.

Running: I still haven’t decided on whether or not I’m going to do the marathons….one or even both.  I’m still thinking about it, however, I am training as though I’m going to run the June 3rd marathon.  If I decide not to run the June 3rd marathon, I am going to continue to train as though I’m going to run the October 7th marathon.  If I decide not to do either, that’s okay.  Nothing lost….I’m still running!

I know what my family thinks.  I know what my friends think.  And thank you to those of you who emailed me, commented on the first time I wrote about it.  Your support means so much.

Ultimately, I have to make a decision…well…two decisions.  It’s not urgent, but it probably wouldn’t hurt to get on with it already.    There is definitely a different mental place a person needs to be at when training for a marathon.   At least I am that way.    My runs take on a completely different meaning as does everything that I do as far as exercise, cross training, running….”D” all of the above.  So when making that decision, I have to be ready to mentally go to that place.   To be quite honest…..I just don’t know if I want to go there.

Life:  It’s been a touch stressful lately.  My father-in-law is having some health issues and it’s a worry.  But when those stresses and worries come into my life, I cling to my husband and son, my family, my friends.  I pray for strength for our family and for my father and mother-in-law.  And I know that between all of those people and prayer in my life, strength will come…to all of us.

Bottom line is….that running and my family both give me two things, and oddly enough, it’s a phrase that my father-in-law always signs his emails with:  Love and Peace.    When I’m out doing what I love, running, I think about who I love, and I feel peace in my heart.